The Christmas Ambush
Twas the night before Christmas
And just so no one gets shot
There’s no front door delivery
And we keep the gates locked
Down the road we go
A few miles and more
To pick up the presents
From Grandma’s back porch
After some coffee
We drank hot and black
We said goodnight
And then we made tracks
It was just about then
On the way home
I heard “Rawhide” playing
So I answered phone
It was my dear mother
On her way home from town
Said she needed some gunners
To chase someone down
Of course we were packing
My brother and I
Not to mention little sister
(Better known as deadeye)
We grinned at each other
Our eyes shining bright
And drove on more slowly
And turned off the lights
Then there it was
Parked at our gate
Some kind of red vehicle
Unknown model and make
We waited for word
From all our kinfolk
Till we had them surrounded
With no place to go
We rolled down the windows
And freed up our guns
Turned on the lights
And moved in as one
There in the headlights
We saw real clear
A big ‘ol red sleigh
And some strange lookin’ deer
I guess that the driver
Was takin’ a break
But all of the sudden
He came right awake
Before we could get out
And ask that old man
Just what he was doin’
‘Round our patch of sand
He started a hollerin’
And callin’ some names
Them deer sure paid attention
When he popped them big reins
It’s a good thing our fence
Ain’t too much higher
‘Cause short as is was
They broke the top wire
Early next morning
Under the tree
There was a roll of barb wire
Addressed to me
“I meant no offense!”
Read the short note
“Here’s for the fence,
That my sleigh broke.”
There were lots of presents
More than we’d ever seen
And so many new guns
We took two days to clean
Now Santa’s list
May seem a bit off
When you look up my family
I’ll bet naughty is crossed off
Now if there’s a lesson
In this story somewhere
It’s next time call our uncle
‘Cause he can cover the air